A Day for Celebration!

4 07 2007

Who isn’t blogging today? It’s Independence Day! We have so much to celebrate in this country between our history, our hardships, and our triumphs! But today, I don’t want to celebrate any of that. Today, I want to celebrate something that needs to be celebrated, especially in this country.

Today, my fellow Americans (and world-wide patrons), I celebrate “The American Idiot”. It’s because of you, “American Idiot”, that we live in such a fruitful prosperous country… and in celebration, I present to you, my American Dumbasses (in no particular order) that make our country what it is today!

Dumbass #1 – Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton

Remember This? Remember That? Paris, you’re a celebrity. Why is that important? Because celebrities are what really make up this country, aren’t they? Yes, millions of people from around the world look to you, Paris Hilton, to be the role model they never had. Why come to this country to become a good law-abiding American, when they can come to this country with hopes of becoming the kind of person they respect. Nobody wants to emulate the school teacher, police officer, firefighter, or even the (clean) athletes of America. Why bother with those people, right? Are you really an airhead? Are you just acting dumb? You flip-flop more than John Kerry, and for that I salute you, American Dumbass!

Dumbass #2 – Tim Leiweke

Tim Leiweke

$250 Million. Wait.. what!? Who are you giving $250 Million to? David Beckham? Phew.. I thought you were going to give that kind of money to charities, YMCAs, Boys and Girls Clubs, and all of those unimportant things. Nobody really cares about those things anyway, right? David Beckham coming to the United States to play Soccer (Futbol, Football, whatever you wanna call it) in Los Angeles is worth way more than the smiles and laughter of America’s youth being cared for. You are a true inspiration to the American population, and more importantly, the world. You dish out cash like it was a spoiled kid’s allowance, and for that I salute you, American Dumbass!

Dumbass #3 – George W. Bush

Sad George Bush

Now, now… you all saw this coming, didn’t you? This nomination has nothing to do with his past term. I’m well over that. I’m even over his bizarre need to keep our troops in Iraq for as long as possible. No, this prestigious nomination comes in light of his decision to pardon Scooter Libby. That’s right, Pardon! Not only is George the man, but he should be commended, and even worshiped by every single human being from around the world. Isn’t George the epitome of good? Who doesn’t love this guy, when he goes around Pardoning his friends? George, you make decisions like Michael Richards at a comedy club, and for that I salute you, American Dumbass!

That concludes my current nominations, but the list does indeed go on from there. If you’d like to add someone to the list for Honorable Mention, let me know in a comment, and I’ll be sure to edit this post with your selection! Now, who wants some Zen!?

Pie tastes better with Cool Hwip!

Happy Independence Day everyone! Seriously, lets all be thankful we live in the country we do. I’m proud to be an American, and you should be too, despite the above sarcasm. God Bless America!

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3 responses

4 07 2007
Ashley

Omg. That is easily the best and creepiest of the Zens. EVER.

5 07 2007
Qelqoth

Paris Hilton makes me puke through my nostrils. I need to do a new cover story on her before I go mad.

5 07 2007
Man U Football July 4, 2007 1:44 pm | Man U Football

[…] A Day for Celebration! David Beckham coming to the United States to play Soccer (Futbol, Football, whatever you wanna call it) in Los Angeles is worth way more than the smiles and laughter of America?s youth being cared for. You are a true inspiration to the … […]

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